“Happy New Year! Did you make any resolutions?”
“Are you kidding? I gave those up years ago. They never work.”
Sound familiar? Every time I hear someone say, “I gave up on resolutions,” I know two things are going on below the surface.
At one level, there’s a secret hope that this year will be different. Deep down, each of us yearns for dreams to be fulfilled, relationships to be mended, and personal changes to be made.
But on another level, there’s an overwhelming sense of being stuck. Attempts at change have fallen short just enough times to make us believe trying again is useless.
The Cynicism Spiral
In these situations, we succumb to what Michael Hyatt calls, “The Cynicism Spiral.”
The spiral begins when your hopes for change are disappointed. Ongoing disappointment leads to frustration which is followed quickly by anger. Prolonged anger turns into sadness and ultimately depression—a form of anger turned inward. The spiral culminates with cynicism—a self-protective behavior we all use to insulate us from more disappointment.
Beware
When you have tried to make change before, you might have experienced one or more of these emotions. I know I have. That’s OK. There is a process that can move us beyond cynicism to real change.
But first, be aware of the danger. If we hold onto cynicism, it will sabotage the results of this process. Cynicism may be the single greatest factor keeping us stuck right where we are.
Road Less Traveled
Thankfully, there’s a road less traveled that leads to an unstuck life. If we follow it, our chances of making the significant changes we desire are very high. Real change involves a 4-part strategy:
- Clarity – Know exactly what you are trying to achieve. Write it down.
- Commitment – Give yourself to it fully. Pray for it daily.
- Course of Action – Plan the specific action required & enlist the outside help needed.
- Accountability – Find people to regularly & lovingly hold you to making the changes.
Each part of this strategy is essential. If even one is left out, a significant change is unlikely. As a group, however, they mutually reinforce each other. Together these four elements create a nearly unstoppable force.
Getting Unstuck
You may have given up on making weak resolutions that don’t make it past January. I have, too. Instead, I’ve replaced it with the process above. I’ve found it’s simply not true that real change is impossible. That’s cynicism talking, not faith.
We don’t have to be stuck. Let’s jump on a new road. As we pray for God to do a new thing in 2025, let’s also put together a strategy to see it happen.
And the one who was seated on the throne said, “See, I am making all things new.”
-Revelation 21:5 (NRSVUE)
BIG NEWS!
After a year, I finally finished the manuscript of something I’ve carried inside me for over a decade. It’s about being and making disciples of Jesus. (Turns out, golf is optional.)
SO grateful for those who have been praying for me and this labor of love. More to come in 2025!
Thanks for going on the journey with me!
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Roger Ross
A native of Cambridge, Illinois, Roger has served as a pastor in Texas, the British Channel Island of Guernsey, and Illinois. While in Illinois, he led teams that planted two new churches and served for 10 years as the lead pastor of one of the largest United Methodist Churches in the Midwest. It was his privilege to serve as the Director of Congregational Excellence in the Missouri Conference before coming into his current role with Spiritual Leadership, Inc (SLI).
Roger now comes alongside pastors, non-profit leaders and their leadership teams as an executive coach, specializing in leadership that inspires change. As a side gig, he loves teaching evangelism and church planting as an adjunct professor at SMU’s Perkins School of Theology in Dallas, Texas.
Other passions of his include SCUBA diving in warm blue water, Krispy Kremes, and board games with family and friends. He also has a weakness for golf.
Roger is the author of three books, Meet The Goodpeople: Wesley’s 7 Ways to Share Faith, Come Back: Returning to the Life You Were Made For, and Come Back Participant Guide, all through Abingdon Press.
Now for the best part. Roger is married to Leanne Klein Ross, and they live Bloomington, Illinois. God has blessed them with two adult children, a son-in-law, several tropical fish, and one adorable granddog.
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