I couldn’t tell if it was supposed to be private.
When I walked into church, I could see a woman’s serious look as she talked to a friend. As I drew closer, she left off mid-sentence, warmly greeted me and asked about my wife.
I thought we were moving to a lighter topic, but the conversation quickly turned serious again, only now I was standing with them – awkwardly.
Just as I planned to slip away, the woman looked at me and said, “I’m so happy that my son will soon be released from prison.”
Off Guard
To be honest, it caught me off guard. She had never mentioned her son before. But I quickly rejoiced with her and tried hard not to ask anything that might be intrusive.
As I listened, she shared something that made my heart sink. Growing up, her two sons were tight with four other boys. From 6th grade on, they did everything together.
Unholy
Tragically, it was an unholy alliance. Today, two of those boys are dead due to gang violence and three of them are in prison serving various sentences. Her other son is the only one both alive and not behind bars.
I couldn’t help but think of the Scripture I had heard from childhood, “Bad company ruins good morals.” 1 Corinthians 15:33 (NRSVUE)
Not every example is so extreme, but in every case, the company we keep affects the people we become.
Motivational speaker, Jim Rohn, says, “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.” I’m sure none of those six boys could have imagined the consequences of choosing to hang with the other five in 6th grade, but those choices drastically altered the course of their lives.
Partially True
What’s more surprising is Jim Rohn’s adage is only partially true.
Researchers in the science of social networks have found that a friend of a friend can also influence our character and behavior.
For instance, if a friend of yours becomes obese, you are 45 percent more likely to gain weight over the next two to four years. But if a friend of your friend becomes obese, your likelihood of gaining weight goes up by 20 percent, even if you don’t know that person!
Further, if a friend of a friend of a friend becomes obese, your chances of gaining weight go up by 10 percent.*
Of course, hanging around positive, faith-filled, health-conscious friends affects our choices as well.
Hidden and Immense
Either way, social networks have a hidden and immense impact on who we become. The character and behavior of the people around us really does matter – as does the kind of people our friends have for friends.
It’s not just the 5 people closest to us. It’s the 500 people around us.
Think of it in rings. Who’s in your circle? And who is in their circle? And the circle of your friends’ friends’ friends?
The answers to those questions are affecting you right now – more than you know.
For your sake and all those around you, choose wisely.
It could be a matter of life and death.
*Friend of a Friend… by David Burkus
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Roger Ross
A native of Cambridge, Illinois, Roger has served as a pastor in Texas, the British Channel Island of Guernsey, and Illinois. While in Illinois, he led teams that planted two new churches and served for 10 years as the lead pastor of one of the largest United Methodist Churches in the Midwest. It was his privilege to serve as the Director of Congregational Excellence in the Missouri Conference before coming into his current role with Spiritual Leadership, Inc (SLI).
Roger now comes alongside pastors, non-profit leaders and their leadership teams as an executive coach, specializing in leadership that inspires change. As a side gig, he loves teaching evangelism and church planting as an adjunct professor at SMU’s Perkins School of Theology in Dallas, Texas.
Other passions of his include SCUBA diving in warm blue water, Krispy Kremes, and board games with family and friends. He also has a weakness for golf.
Roger is the author of three books, Meet The Goodpeople: Wesley’s 7 Ways to Share Faith, Come Back: Returning to the Life You Were Made For, and Come Back Participant Guide, all through Abingdon Press. Roger’s new book on Being and Making Disciples of Jesus releases August 2025.
Now for the best part. Roger is married to Leanne Klein Ross, and they live Bloomington, Illinois. God has blessed them with two adult children, a son-in-law, several tropical fish, and one adorable granddog.
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