All That Really Matters

Many of us feel stuck.

Our job no longer brings life. Our friendships feel stale. It feels like our dating life is going nowhere, or we find our marriage in a holding pattern. We can’t lose the weight we don’t want or say no to an addictive behavior that is pulling us under.

We’ve tried to make changes. Really, we have. But none of them last. So, what are we missing?

In a word, love.

True Transformation

Love is the precursor to transformation. Ironically, we can only change when we feel fully accepted as we are. When we try to make changes out of guilt or shame, they always snap back on us. We end up doing more of the very thing we wanted to do less.

Paul described this dilemma in his letter to the early Christians in Rome:

“The desire to do good is inside of me, but I can’t do it. I don’t do the good that I want to do, but I do the evil that I don’t want to do.”

Romans 7:18-19 (CEB)

To experience lasting change, we must accept who and where we are first. But how?

The Real Stuff

That’s the gift of a loving community. There is no force more powerful or more life-changing than grace – complete, unmerited love. And often, the place we experience it first is in a small group where we risk sharing the real stuff. 

I remember the first time I shared some really awful things about myself with a handful of other people – things that I thought would disqualify me from being loved and immediately make them reject me. To my surprise, they said, “We know just where you have been. We are glad you are here. Come back next week.”

When we can see in a few other faces that we are loved and accepted despite what we have done, who we have done it with, or where we have been, an amazing transformation begins to take place.

Somewhere inside it occurs to us, “If these people can know all this stuff about me and still accept me, maybe God can, too.” 

Inner Change

That opens the door for deep inner change. We are finally able to accept ourselves the way God has already accepted us, as a beloved child of infinite worth.

All this is possible by the pardoning work of Jesus’s death on the cross that defeated sin and broke the heavy chains that bind us.

By faith in him, we receive a new identity as forgiven and free followers. Now, with the help of our group, we can make changes that stick.

Compelled

At the same time, we feel compelled to offer Jesus’s life-changing love to others.

One night a woman new to her small group tearfully shared that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer and would need surgery. The group immediately rallied around her and prayed for her healing.

At their next gathering, all the women in the group showed up in pink shirts to show their support. A flurry of phone calls, texts, and home-cooked meals during her recovery demonstrated their love in practical ways.

Her small group could have said, “That’s too bad. Hope everything works out for you.” Instead, they chose to love her by walking with her through a time of deep need. They became Jesus to her.

Proven Love

That was the pattern he set. Jesus made it crystal clear to his small group:

Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.

John 13:35 (NLT)

So, here’s the question for us: Is our love for one another proving to the world that we are disciples of Jesus?

That’s all that really matters.

It’s also the way we get unstuck.

*This post is an excerpt from Roger’s new book on Being and Making Disciples of Jesus to be released in August 2025.

*March 30, 2025 was a great Sunday at Springfield First UMC! If you would like to watch Roger’s message, you can do so here: https://springfieldfirst.org/sermons/practicing-the-way/

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