While traveling with one of my kids’ sports teams, I found myself in a room one night with several other guys shooting the breeze. One of the other dads began sharing sports stories, telling off color jokes and using some offensive language while drinking a few beers. He was entertaining, to be sure, even if I couldn’t agree with several things he said.
The next day another dad came to me privately. He knew I was a pastor and wondered what I thought about some of the behavior from the night before. I said in effect, “I don’t expect someone who is not a Christian to act like one. Mark is a good guy who is far from God. He needs someone to accept him as he is. I don’t have to approve of everything he says or does to do that.”
Different Issues
Contrary to popular opinion, acceptance and approval are two different issues in a relationship. We can accept people without approving of their every action or belief.
In fact, we do it all the time. We accept people in our family and friend circle who hold beliefs we don’t agree with, promote political positions we vigorously oppose, or engage in behaviors we find annoying or destructive.
Is there any marriage where both persons approve of everything their partner says and does? (If so, I want to meet that couple!) What parent-child relationship enjoys total approval of all things said and done by both parties? In most cases, these differences don’t keep us from accepting others, even if we wish their way of life was more like ours.
Just As
Acceptance has been a fundamental part of Christian faith for two millennia. In what was likely a multi-cultural church with a variety of beliefs and behaviors, Paul instructed the early Christians in Rome to follow Jesus’s example.
Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.
Romans 15:7 (NIV)
How did Christ accept you? Fully, lovingly, and with no strings attached. When we accept others this way, it brings praise to God, because it shows God’s heart of love for all people.
Demonstrated Love
Thankfully, Jesus did not make approval of our behavior the starting point of his relationship with you or me. If he had, there would be no relationship – ever.
Jesus didn’t approve of our sin. He died for it. Paul put it this way,
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:8 (NIV)
By his death and resurrection, Jesus defeated sin and death. His victory removed the sin barrier that separated us from a real relationship with God. As a result, he can meet us exactly where we are and say,
Have you ever lied to cover your tracks, said things to hurt people, or acted selfishly which caused others harm? If so, I died for that.
What about turning your back on God? Have you ridiculed people of faith while keeping dark secrets about your own behavior? Is there some heinous act you have committed? I took those on the cross, too.
Is an addiction destroying your life and relationships? Does lust consume your thoughts? Do deep hurts keep you trapped in bitterness? My wounds can heal yours.
If, over time, you have become weary of carrying these burdens, come to me, and I will give you rest. There is nothing you have thought, said or done that my sacrifice on the cross cannot cover. I accept you, fully. Come as you are. I love you.
This is the Gospel of Jesus. The starting point of his relationship with us is total acceptance, without approval. It is the essence of love.
Real Test
Few of us struggle to accept people who meet our approval. The real test is to accept people who think, talk or act in ways we do not approve.
Why is this important? Jesus has always known that no one can really change until they are accepted just as they are.
If we hope to see change, real change, in people’s lives, we must fully accept them first – just as they are. It’s the only way that works.
An excerpt from Roger’s new book coming May of 2025.
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Roger Ross
A native of Cambridge, Illinois, Roger has served as a pastor in Texas, the British Channel Island of Guernsey, and Illinois. While in Illinois, he led teams that planted two new churches and served for 10 years as the lead pastor of one of the largest United Methodist Churches in the Midwest. It was his privilege to serve as the Director of Congregational Excellence in the Missouri Conference before coming into his current role with Spiritual Leadership, Inc (SLI).
Roger now comes alongside pastors, non-profit leaders and their leadership teams as an executive coach, specializing in leadership that inspires change. As a side gig, he loves teaching evangelism and church planting as an adjunct professor at SMU’s Perkins School of Theology in Dallas, Texas.
Other passions of his include SCUBA diving in warm blue water, Krispy Kremes, and board games with family and friends. He also has a weakness for golf.
Roger is the author of three books, Meet The Goodpeople: Wesley’s 7 Ways to Share Faith, Come Back: Returning to the Life You Were Made For, and Come Back Participant Guide, all through Abingdon Press.
Now for the best part. Roger is married to Leanne Klein Ross, and they live Bloomington, Illinois. God has blessed them with two adult children, a son-in-law, several tropical fish, and one adorable granddog.
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