Be. Be still. Be With. Be in.
It was the counsel my spiritual director gave as I started a 5-day silent retreat a while back. After an excessively busy season provoked by unprecedented change, he could see God was calling me to stillness.
“When we get more connected to who we are,” he said, “we get closer to God. Let God, in the still point, reveal who you are.”
Breathing-in Nature
I wasn’t sure exactly how to do that. I just guessed it had something to do with breathing-in nature. The retreat center was nestled into deep woods along the shore of Pomme de Terre lake in Southwest Missouri.
One morning I got up early to watch the sunrise. As I pushed off from shore in a beat-up, red kayak, I found myself all alone on a large section of that 12.3 square mile lake. The water was calm as the sun peaked through some low-lying clouds for dramatic effect.
Still and Alive
In awe, I sat stone silent in the middle of the lake. Soon fish started jumping all around me, a cow began lowing in the distance, and a Great Blue Heron swept by just three feet off the water. (I swear she winked at me.) The lake was both still and alive.
After paddling to the far side of a narrow finger of land, something caught my eye. The early morning sun was bouncing off the water onto the bright green bushes along the shore. Like a scene from Exodus, they appeared to be on fire, but they didn’t burn up. The sunlight simply danced across them in carefree delight. Something about this private light show captivated me as I slowly drank it in.
Fire of God
Out of nowhere, the words of a wise friend came to me, “You know, Roger, the natural often mirrors the spiritual.” Suddenly, it all made sense. That gentle, shimmering fire of God was exactly what I needed to warm my heart and light up its dark places.
From somewhere deep inside, the 23rd Psalm began to pour out of my mouth. When I came to, “He restores my soul,” I knew why I was there. Drifting quietly in that kayak, I was living out the watch words for my retreat: “Be. Be still. Be with. Be in.”
The Furnace
“Solitude” said Henri Nouwen, “is the furnace of transformation. Without solitude we remain victims of our society and continue to be entangled in the illusion of the false self” (The Way of the Heart). I understood those words too well. In the absence of solitude, I had allowed my soul to get entangled in illusions of importance and urgency, while failing to tend to the deeper needs of my heart.
When God reveals who you are, it’s not always pretty, but it is always valuable. When I am unaware of the truth about me, I find it impossible to be deeply connected to God. Instead, I am buffeted by compulsions to prove my worth, seeking ever increasing affirmations.
Being vs. Doing
A truth I am slowly embracing is “being comes before doing.” Who we are is more important than what we do. The question from author Peter Scazzero I keep asking myself is: “Am I spending enough time being with God to sustain my doing for God?” The answer on this retreat was “No, not yet.”
Being vs. doing is not a problem to solve but a tension to manage. When I am managing it poorly, I need to shift to a different rhythm that creates more space to be, be still, be with, be in.
On days of over doing, this is my prayer:
Help me, Lord, to set aside time to be with you and trust that in you I am enough.
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Roger Ross
A native of Cambridge, Illinois, Roger has served as a pastor in Texas, the British Channel Island of Guernsey, and Illinois. While in Illinois, he led teams that planted two new churches and served for 10 years as the lead pastor of one of the largest United Methodist Churches in the Midwest. It was his privilege to serve as the Director of Congregational Excellence in the Missouri Conference before coming into his current role with Spiritual Leadership, Inc (SLI).
Roger now comes alongside pastors, non-profit leaders and their leadership teams as an executive coach, specializing in leadership that inspires change. As a side gig, he loves teaching evangelism and church planting as an adjunct professor at SMU’s Perkins School of Theology in Dallas, Texas.
Other passions of his include SCUBA diving in warm blue water, Krispy Kremes, and board games with family and friends. He also has a weakness for golf.
Roger is the author of three books, Meet The Goodpeople: Wesley’s 7 Ways to Share Faith, Come Back: Returning to the Life You Were Made For, and Come Back Participant Guide, all through Abingdon Press.
Now for the best part. Roger is married to Leanne Klein Ross, and they live Bloomington, Illinois. God has blessed them with two adult children, a son-in-law, several tropical fish, and one adorable granddog.
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