Hide and Seek – Adult Version

When our kids were young, one of the games they loved to play was hide and seek. They especially liked it when Daddy counted and they got to hide. At age 4, our daughter, Janie, had her own twist on the game.

I would go into a room and say, “Where is Janie? I wonder where she could be?”

Then a little voice would say, “Look under here! I’m right here!”  For her, the fun wasn’t in the hiding. It was in being found.

As we get older, we get confused about that. We keep playing hide and seek, but we shift the focus to the hiding part. Our older son, Zach, wanted to be the champion hider. We can relate. Every one of us keeps some part of ourselves hidden.

A Great Place to Hide

Surprisingly, the church is a great place to hide. We can come in with a big plastic smile, shake hands all around, grab a hot drink and sway to the music. By all outward appearances, things look great.

But inside it feels like our world is falling apart. There is a hole in our soul big enough to drive a semi through. And we say to ourselves, “It’s a good thing nobody here knows what my real life is like.”  And there in plain view, we’re hiding. 

Double Life

Some of us are living a double life. To most of the world, our life is what can be seen on the surface – and part of it is. But we know there is another part down below. We do our best to hide it from others. We don’t want anyone to find out, but it is there.

Maybe it is an addiction to pornography or shopping online. It could be a hair-trigger temper that explodes on people in destructive ways. Maybe we just can’t stop eating more than our body needs, or we find ourselves drinking, alone, almost every night.  Maybe we are secretly wondering if life is worth living, and we’re afraid to tell another living soul.

I’m Under Here

Whatever the case, we know it. And we’re hiding. But there is something else going on as well. Deep down inside of us, below our hidden life, there is a little voice saying, “I’m under here. I’m right here.”

At the center of our soul, we want to be found! We don’t want to hide. There is too much pain and isolation there. We were created for community.

We want to be known by someone we can trust, someone who will accept us and not judge us, someone who is willing to walk with us toward wholeness, someone who deep down loves us, regardless of what we have done.

Jesus’s Vision

That’s what God designed our relationships to be like when we follow Jesus.  Before Jesus went to the cross, he prayed passionately for his disciples. That prayer revealed Jesus’s vision for them. Listen in again…Jesus says,                                                                   

My prayer is…that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you.     

John 17:20-21

  

I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. 

John 17:22-23

                                                                           

May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me…     

John 17:23

What a phenomenal vision of unity! Jesus believed that his followers could be as close to one another as Jesus was with his Father. Let that sink in for a moment.

How close are Jesus and his Father? They have existed together from all eternity. No sin, no hurt, no slight or insult has ever come between them. Their unity is so perfect, they are one.

Clearly, Jesus intended his followers to experience a unity that was so complete they would be known for their oneness. Sadly, the church is often known for the opposite. Disagreement and division often mar the Christian community.  

But that was not Jesus’s vision for his followers. His vision was that a very diverse group of people who had not much else in common would experience a real oneness with each other simply because of their common bond in him.

Build Deep Trust

The only way I know to approach this level of oneness is to gather with a few other believers and build deep trust. Trust grows in two ways, by spending time together and risking vulnerability with one another.  

It’s impossible to microwave trust. University of Kansas researcher, Jeffrey Hall, found that it takes about 50 hours to move from an acquaintance to casual friend, 90 hours to reach the level of “friend” and more than 200 hours to consider someone a close friend. These are hours spent hanging out, joking around, playing games, or going to events together.

However, that timeline can be accelerated, to a degree, by the level of vulnerability shared in a group. When we are willing to pull down the mask and be real about what’s going on in our lives, it quickens and deepens the bonds of trust.

A Safe Place

Our hearts long for a safe place to trot out of the shadows our mistakes and sins, so we can be redeemed from them, reoriented on a new path and restored to loving union with God, others and ourselves.   

Deep down, below all our hiding, we want to be found. Is it time-consuming? Yes. Will it be risky? No doubt.

But we will never be satisfied with anything less.  

An Excerpt from Roger’s new book on Becoming a Disciple to be published in August 2025.

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