One-by-one, they randomly stopped by to talk. In each case, friendly banter gave way to the real reason for their visit – a big decision weighed on their hearts.
After laying out the options, every conversation came to a standstill. Answers refused to emerge. In sheer frustration, each one asked, “Which way should I go?”
Wrestling through some decisions of my own lately, I shared some questions based on insights from a master of discernment, Ignatius of Loyola. A key scripture for this process comes from Psalm 37:4.
Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Deepest Desires
We are often wary of desires, fearing they may lead us down a dark path. In his own struggles to discern God’s will, Ignatius’ surprisingly discovered that the deepest desires of our hearts were placed there by God.
Accordingly, God wants to give them to us. The challenge is to sort through the surface selfishness and ego-driven stuff that masquerade as true desires.
When pressure testing our options, the first question to explore is deceptively simple: “What do I really want?” Don’t rush by that one too quickly. Here are some other questions to consider:
Discerning Questions
- Does this option take me toward the trinity of Father, Son and Holy Spirit or toward the trinity of me, myself, and I?
- Does time go by sluggishly when thinking about it or does time speed up when reflecting on it?
- Does it make me feel restless, upset, discontented, & raise more questions, or does it seem to fit with who I am?
- Do I have a strong sense of God’s calling to it?
- How will choosing this path affect my primary relationships?
- What is the long-term viability of this choice?
- Is there confirmation? Are my emotions, reason, and will aligned in a way that brings an inner consolation of peace, enthusiasm, confidence, and joy?
- Is the path in concert with God’s word in the Bible?
- Will the chosen path lead toward loving God, serving others, and realizing my deepest desires?
- Is it confirmed by the wise counsel of spiritually mature friends who know me and love me?
Scaling Options
It may be helpful to focus on a specific option and go through these questions ranking each one on a scale of 1 to 10. For example, if time speeds up when we reflect on a certain option, that’s a 10. If it slows way down, call it a 1.
After doing this exercise with every option, total the numbers and compare. It gives us something objective to measure when a decision seems very subjective.
How God Speaks
Perhaps Ignatius’ greatest insight is that God can speak to us through our feelings. It’s a conviction the founder of Methodism, John Wesley, also held,
A sense of peace or consolation versus a sense of confusion, agitation or desolation are important messages from the Holy Spirit that deserve our attention.
Our deepest desires matter to God. In a culture that prizes rational thinking above all forms of knowing, our feelings are often the missing piece to uncovering God’s direction for our lives.
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Roger Ross
A native of Cambridge, Illinois, Roger has served as a pastor in Texas, the British Channel Island of Guernsey, and Illinois. While in Illinois, he led teams that planted two new churches and served for 10 years as the lead pastor of one of the largest United Methodist Churches in the Midwest. It was his privilege to serve as the Director of Congregational Excellence in the Missouri Conference before coming into his current role with Spiritual Leadership, Inc (SLI).
Roger now comes alongside pastors, non-profit leaders and their leadership teams as an executive coach, specializing in leadership that inspires change. As a side gig, he loves teaching evangelism and church planting as an adjunct professor at SMU’s Perkins School of Theology in Dallas, Texas.
Other passions of his include SCUBA diving in warm blue water, Krispy Kremes, and board games with family and friends. He also has a weakness for golf.
Roger is the author of three books, Meet The Goodpeople: Wesley’s 7 Ways to Share Faith, Come Back: Returning to the Life You Were Made For, and Come Back Participant Guide, all through Abingdon Press.
Now for the best part. Roger is married to Leanne Klein Ross, and they live Bloomington, Illinois. God has blessed them with two adult children, a son-in-law, several tropical fish, and one adorable granddog.
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