Does Character Really Matter Anymore, Part 2

“Wait. You mean, he said he would do this and then he blew it off at the last minute because it might not make him look good?”

“Oh, I see. She never intended to follow through on that commitment. She just said that to get us to do what she wanted.”

We’ve all been on the receiving end of situations like these. It doesn’t feel good. People we trusted broke promises or told us things that were untrue for their own benefit. When that happens, it hurts, and then it makes us mad.

But if we are honest, most of us have done the same thing to others at some point.

The question is not, “Has a person ever been duplicitous, saying one thing and doing another?” It is hard to check the “human” box without being guilty on this one.

A Pattern

Here’s a better question to ask, “Is this kind of behavior a pattern?”

If so, it’s a character issue.

Character is a hot topic these days in business, education, politics and church. In my last post I described three aspects of it:

• Character is who you are, not what you do.

• Character is not to be confused with success or achievements.

• Character cannot be faked.

You can find more about each aspect here.

For a host of reasons, character has fared poorly in recent years. If it were a publicly traded stock, investors would say it’s in a bear market. Its value has fallen and keeps falling.

Our Greatest Need

With the massive challenges our world faces, many would say our primary need is for more intelligent, talented, creative and skilled people. While those are all important gifts that are very valuable, I don’t believe they strike at the root of our ongoing struggles.  

Our greatest need is people with deeper character. Our world is begging for real people who stand by their word, who are willing to sacrifice for what is right, who genuinely care for others, and use whatever power they have not for themselves but for the good of others.

How does a person develop that kind of character? Obviously, that’s a longer discussion, but here are some starting points.

Role Models

• Choose my role models carefully

The most basic leadership principle in the world is people do what people see. If we are constantly exposed to people who say one thing and do another, that behavior will seep into our character.

Young people often idolize star athletes, entertainers, or social media influencers for the talent they display. (Adults do this, too, with “successful” people in their field.) But who these idols are when the camera is turned off may be very different – and destructive. [Insert whoever is in the news today.] That’s the rub.

Over time, we become who we exalt. This imitation is easy to spot in the way devotees dress, talk and behave like their idol.

Perhaps that’s why Jesus makes this simple invitation, “Come, follow me.”

He isn’t asking his would-be followers to simply learn his teachings. He is inviting them to become like him in thought, word and action. He says, “Abide in me as I abide in you.” (John 15:4) This mutual indwelling is the pinnacle of character formation.

Choices

• Pay attention to my choices

Character grows and gains definition through our daily decisions, the big ones and small ones. Since humans are creatures of habit, it doesn’t take long for patterns to set in. Are your choice patterns helping you close the gap between what you say and what you do? Or do they lead to making excuses to cover your tracks.

Keeping Honest

• Choose people who will keep me honest

A curious fact about humans is the deluxe rationalizers we carry in our heads. We can make black, white and white, black if it is to our advantage. That’s why we need people in our lives who will lovingly hold us accountable to our values and tell us the truth about ourselves.

For nearly 7 years now, I meet with a couple of pastors every week to confess our sins to one another. It’s not easy and I can’t say it’s fun, but these guys have helped me be honest about who I really am when no one is looking. The cumulative effect of that discipline has brought some of the greatest transformation I’ve ever known.

Raising the Value

These are just a few ways character gets formed. It definitely doesn‘t happen in a microwave minute. This process takes place in a slow cooker over time.

If you would like to raise the value of character in your life, let me encourage you to start with a prayer. Perhaps you will want to pray it every day.

Dear Jesus, of all the role models I could choose, I want to be like you. Show me how to abide in you so you can produce your character in me.

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